there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
