Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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