I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
