i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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