I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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