my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he thought i was a dude.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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