you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
