I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
