so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
