What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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