dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
