So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
