i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
