don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
