so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
