...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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