i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
