But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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