the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
