I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
