I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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