fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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