I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
God, I missed his penis.
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