Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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