guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
