Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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