I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
