WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
