you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
