i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
