i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
