I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
