i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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