**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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