his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
