I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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