She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I did not marry a roomba.
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