did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
