Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
