yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
