Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
