Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
