Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
