my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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