yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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