his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
