I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
