Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
