mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how can u be prego again
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?