your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.