I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.