your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.