i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.