dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.