If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.