no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure