The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
