Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
