I met the friendliest cop last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
