Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
