C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
