don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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