Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
