I want to have your abortion
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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