when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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