Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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