What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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