Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
