no, he came in my armpit
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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