I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
