Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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