apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just pee around me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
