Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Banned from zoo.
Again?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
