I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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