So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
