I can text with my tongue
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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