You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
