All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
