I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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