our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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