you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
