so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
