6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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