Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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