i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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