i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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