you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
