sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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