South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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