so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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