he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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